3.16.2010

strenghs*

hello there

Eeep! It has been so long since I have been here...

I have been pondering areas of strength lately. In February we learned that my dad's cancer had returned (in the fall of 2008 he was diagnosed with lung cancer and had part of his lung removed) or traveled from his lungs to his brain after being cancer free for 15 months. The miracle in this was that he wasn't actually due for a brain scan until May, but his heart doctor had some concerns and ordered the scan which revealed the spot on his brain.

A week and a half later, I flew up north to be with my family for the operation. Fortunately, there was just the one tumor and it was successfully removed. There were a few complications...the tumor was more attached than they thought and as a result he doesn't have use of his left leg. But otherwise he is in good spirits and is working hard in therapy while receiving radiation treatments as well.

So, I found my experience to be that I am able to maintain personal strength in these situations, unexpectedly. Don't get me wrong, it was one of the most stressful and emotionally wearing weeks of my life, but I felt a strength that I didn't realize was there.

However, on returning home I crashed and burned. For a solid week I slept, worked on a journal project (more to be revealed)and repeat. I had no energy to make meals other than cereal or takeout or do much of anything else besides walk my dog. I was assured by those around me that this was normal and so I went with it and let myself be without too much judgement. I have since recovered most of my normal energy. I believe there is strength in letting ourselves sink right into where we are without trying to fix or rush it out.

Hmmm...unexpected strengths are the most important for me.

2 comments:

Vivienne said...

sending you hugs heather...so glad that your dad is doing okay! and that you were able to find that strength in yourself!!

and glad you're back!

Liz said...

Heather...beautiful post. And I take comfort in what you said, especially: "I believe there is strength in letting ourselves sink right into where we are without trying to fix or rush it out." THANKS for sharing.